After everything that you have been through these last few months, the divorce has been finalized with the court in Utah. You think you can breathe a sigh of relief and start life over again. But then . . . your former spouse has decided to either fall behind on child support payments or refuses to pay child support at all.

You honestly didn’t expect this would happen to you. Now what?

Luckily, the laws in Utah are on your side in this situation. If the other parent of your child is not complying with the divorce or support order, then you can file a motion to enforce domestic order. Having an experienced family law attorney in Utah assist you, while not absolutely necessary, is certainly advantageous with this procedure.

How an Enforcement Motion Works In Utah

The motion must include (among other things) a statement of facts showing how the other parent of your child is failing to comply with the child support order. Once the court determines that this motion may have merit, the other parent will be required to attend a hearing. It is to your advantage to have a lawyer represent you at this hearing.

If the court finds that your former spouse did in fact violate the order (i.e. failed to pay child support), then the court may award you a judgment for your attorney fees and otherwise motivate the other parent to pay in the future. In extreme situations, the court could find a party in contempt of court and impose a fine and/or jail time.

Keep in mind you should also stricly comply with the divorce decree or custody order. For example, withholding parent-time due to a failure to pay support is not only frowned upon by the court but it is also most likely a violation of a court order.  Talk to a dedicated lawyer in Utah today about your child support enforcement situation.  It is possible that your best course of action is to not even employ an attorney but to go through a government agency instead and avoid attorney fees and court altogether.

The post Getting Your Former Spouse to Pay Child Support appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

Thinking about divorce? Here are some interesting tidbits many people don’t know about Utah’s divorce laws.

1. You can point fingers, but you no longer need to.

In the past, Utah followed a system where you had to have a reason for your divorce. Usually, that reason put the blame squarely on one spouse’s shoulders, and that spouse received the short end of the stick during property division and other parts of the divorce. That is no longer the case. Today, divorcing spouses can claim irreconcilable differences as the grounds for their divorce, and most do.

Yet, what if you have a different reason for divorce? Utah law still lists out other statutory grounds for divorce, ranging from adultery and habitual drunkenness to mental/physical cruelty, neglect and incurable insanity. You can allege one of these grounds in the divorce filing, but you may have to prove it to the court.

2. Utah requires you to wait to get divorced.

There are two potential “waiting” periods. First, you or your spouse must have lived in your county in Utah for at least three months prior to filing for divorce in that county. If you have met that residency requirement, you can usually expect your divorce to take at least an additional three months. Under Utah’s family law, you typically must wait 90 days between filing your divorce petition and receiving a divorce decree. Spouses must show extraordinary circumstances to waive this 90-day waiting period.

3. If you have minor children, you’ll be going back to school.

Parents of minor children are required to attend two classes before they receive their divorce decree: a divorce education class and a divorce orientation class; however, they can both be completed during one three-hour block of time. In fact, you must attend the orientation course before the court will grant a motion you make for temporary orders.

4. If you and your spouse disagree about something in your divorce, get ready for mediation.

Utah courts require parties to attend at least one session of mediation if there are any contested issues in a divorce. You and your spouse will need to find and pay for a mediator to meet this requirement.

You can avoid this requirement if you and your spouse can come to an agreement on all of the issues of your divorce. You may also ask the court to waive mediation if you have good cause to do so. For example, courts often dismiss the mediation requirement if one party feels unsafe in the presence of the other party.

5. You may be able to convince a judge you are married (even though you never had that ceremony).

While Utah does not have common law marriage, you may be able to ask the court to declare your relationship a marriage in order to get a court-ordered divorce. You will need to show:

• You are both of legal age and capable of entering into a marriage
• You have acted as though you were married, including living together
• You present your relationship to the public in a way that makes them believe you are married
• You both consent to the marriage designation

The divorce process is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a nightmare. By working with an experienced lawyer, finding ways to minimize conflict and taking it one step at a time, you can set the stage for a better tomorrow.

The post Five Things You May Not Know About Utah’s Divorce Process appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

You aren’t the first person to dread telling your children about your upcoming divorce, and you certainly won’t be the last. Here are some tips that other parents have shared to make the conversation easier on everyone involved.

1. Consider Their Age 

What you tell your children, and how they will react to the news, should vary depending on their age.

Preschoolers need concrete and clear explanations about what the divorce will mean for them. Tell them where they will live, who will look after them and what their daily life will look like. With this age group, you can expect to have this conversation and answer the same questions more than once.

School-aged kids need more of an explanation than preschoolers. Your kids might blame themselves or feel like it’s their job to “fix” whatever they think is wrong with the marriage. Make sure they understand that your decision isn’t about them and not something they can influence. Give your children ample time to ask questions and express their emotions. Be prepared to answer the question, “why?” (but make sure you don’t blame the other parent). You may even consider purchasing books to help your children understand divorce better and connect with how they are feeling.

Older kids have a pretty good understanding of divorce, and may have friends with divorced parents. They may also be going through significant hormonal changes that, combined with the change in their family structure, may come out as anger or moodiness. Be patient with them. Older children need open and honest communication and time to digest the information.

2. Tell Your Children Together

Sit down with your spouse and make a plan about how you will tell the children together. Anticipate any questions and address concerns in advance. Plan to tell your children that the divorce isn’t their fault, that you love them and that your love for them won’t change.

Then, gather everyone together and have the initial discussion as a family. While you may think it’s best to tell the older brother first, imagine how he will feel having to keep the secret, or how your younger kids will feel when they learn they were the last to know. You can address each child’s individual needs in separate conversations (don’t worry, there will be ample time for that).

Why should both spouses be present? Your children need to know that you are still able to work together. If you make the announcement together, it becomes less about “who did what” and more about your children and their future. Be prepared to present a unified front during this conversation and, if possible, throughout your divorce.

3. Avoid Blaming Your Spouse

No matter what the cause of your divorce, your children do not need to play a part in the blame game. Don’t bad mouth your spouse now or in the future. It may make you feel better to show your kids you are the “good guy,” but it won’t help your children, your divorce or your future as a co-parent. In fact, many children who are thrown into the blame game end up resenting their parents for making them a part of it.

This Conversation Will Be Hard

Yet, with the right preparation and thought, you can make it easier on your children. Come prepared to present a unified front, answer your children’s questions honestly and avoid blame. Try to calm down as much as possible before the conversation – the more nervous you are, the more frightened your children will be. Remember, this is about your children and your love for them – nothing is more important than that.

The post The Big D: How to Break the News to Your Children appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

While a custody decision is often based on your past actions and relationship with your children, that doesn’t mean your present actions won’t affect the outcome.

Divorce is one of those stressful life events that can change someone’s typical behavior. Some people act out aggressively, others develop dependencies, some withdraw entirely and many put their best foot forward. In any hearing or negotiation, you want to represent yourself in the best possible light. That’s especially important when child custody is on the line. After all, custody decisions are based on what is in the best interests of the child.

These behaviors can jeopardize your custody case:

1. Putting your children in the middle

It’s important to have honest conversations with your children, but never at the expense of your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Conversations need to focus on the child’s needs. Keep any opinion, blame or frustration to yourself.

2. Withholding parent-time or child support

Using your child to get back at your spouse can significantly affect the outcome of your case and lead to serious consequences. Now is not the time to retaliate against your spouse. Instead, try to keep your children’s needs front-and-center.

3. Letting your emotions get out of control

You are undoubtedly going through an emotional rollercoaster. Yet, to show the judge that you are fit for custody, you need to maintain control of your emotions. This means no angry voicemails or text messages, and no threats or unwarranted allegations. It goes without saying that you should also be professional in the courtroom. Obviously, don’t raise your voice or attack the other parent in front of the judge, but also refrain from shaking your head or making any faces, however seemingly benign.

4. Abusing alcohol or drugs

Pop culture glamorizes the traumatic bender, following bad news with a downtrodden binge and bottomless bottle. No matter how emotionally challenging a divorce, it’s always essential to represent your parental fortitude first, just as if the kids were in your care already.

5. Sharing too much on social media

It only takes one poorly phrased Facebook post to set off a firestorm that keeps burning. Even if you keep your Facebook private, you inevitably have common friends with your ex, and screenshots and shares can make the most private comment public in ways you didn’t intend. Social media posts can even make their way into the courtroom. It’s best to stay off Facebook during the duration of your divorce or custody case.

6. Racking up debt

A common response when a divorce looms is to do something vindictive. Don’t spend money from a joint account, and don’t buy items that you can’t afford. Again, when custody is the goal, you need to show that you’ll be a caregiver and provider instead of a frivolous shopper who acts out of spite.

7. Not cooperating with the other parent

Parents who can show that they are able to cooperate tend to see more favorable custody orders. Sit down with the other parent and make a plan for how you will share time with your children over the next few months. Then, make sure to work with the other parent if you want to take the children out of school or go on a trip. If there are important decisions to make regarding your children (such as their education or healthcare), make them together. Now is the time to set a positive tone for a working relationship you will need to maintain for years to come.

Putting Your Kids First

The custody decision is based, in part, on your capability to provide a loving and stable home for your kids. Constancy is important for children through the transition. There will be immense change for everyone, but as your children’s potential caretaker, you need to be the bridge through this life event. Divorce is hard, but losing control never makes the situation better.

Getting lost in your own emotions or focusing too heavily on moving your own personal life forward can have negative effects on the children. The best way to win a custody battle is to show an ability to understand the situation and to prove to the court that you are the parent who is most capable of putting the children’s needs first.

The post 7 Things to Avoid When Seeking Custody appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

Between 1989 and 2012, the number of stay-at-home fathers nearly doubled, and that number continues to rise today. Fathers are staying at home for three main reasons: 1) they suffer from an illness or disability (35 percent); 2) they have lost their job or are unable to find employment (23 percent); and/or 3) they desire to be the primary caregiver (21 percent).

The last reason is the most interesting, particularly in the family law realm. The number of fathers staying at home to take care of the family has increased fourfold since 1989. In a world where gender roles are changing, so are the way we raise our kids and our family laws.

As with most things, societal opinion lags behind. A survey by Pew Research Center found that while 51 percent of Americans believe children are better off with a stay-at-home mom than a working mom, a mere 8 percent said the same about dads. A similar trend can be found in the courts. In Utah, while our laws are gender-neutral, allowing men to receive alimony and custody, men continue to be more likely than women to have custodial interference, alimony and sole physical custody requests dismissed by the courts.

Protecting Dads Through Legal Advocacy

A stay-at-home father should not have a different experience in court than a stay-at-home mother. If a mom can receive alimony because she does not have recent and sufficient job experience or education to support her family, then a dad should, too. If a mom is more likely to be awarded additional time with the children due to her role as a caregiver, then a father should expect the same.

Yet, judges are people too, which is why having the right legal support is essential. An attorney can help you develop your case in a way that demonstrates your contributions to the family.

The post Child Custody, Alimony and the Stay-at-Home Dad appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

Your divorce was ugly, but it ended. You thought you had a court order in place that would prevent you from being treated poorly by your ex. You thought your nightmare was over. Now, you realize that your ex hasn’t changed.

Perhaps she has ignored your right of first refusal clause or he has refused to agree to an out-of-country vacation. Maybe you aren’t receiving the child support you are due or you have been denied access to your children. If the other party is ignoring your court order, it may be time to bring them back to court.

How to Enforce Your Family Court Order

The first step is to file a Motion for an Order to Show Cause along with a statement of how the other party has disobeyed your divorce decree or other family court order. While the document is fairly easy to fill out, how you fill it out can make a difference in your case. It is a good idea to speak with an attorney before you file your paperwork. You will need to serve the motion on your ex.

What happens next depends on where you live. In Utah County, for example, a court commissioner will review your motion and decide whether to hold a hearing. If you are asked to come into court, be sure to be there, dressed nicely, on the date and at the time you have been given. If it is an evidentiary hearing, you or your attorney will need to prepare to present all evidence in your favor.

The court will make a decision and may issue a judgment. Depending on the circumstances, this may be a judgment for past due child support, an order to make up parent-time or some other order that could include an award for attorney fees.

Protecting the Future

Bringing a Motion for an Order to Show Cause is one way to ensure that your ex complies with your order, but there may be other ways such as through mediation or a settlement between your attorneys. Consider whether bringing a motion is necessary, keeping in mind that court actions often add to the tension. If there are other means to settle your disagreement that could lead to a stronger/less contentious working relationship, then it’s important to consider them. An attorney can help you decide what is best for your unique situation.

The post Post-Divorce: Can’t We All Just Get Along? appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

As stores bring out their holiday merchandise and kids start to make their lists and craft their costumes, divorcing parents can feel more overwhelmed than ever. This is particularly true if you have recently filed for divorce and are “winging it” while you try to agree on a parenting plan. How can you help your children stay happy during a time of changing traditions?

We won’t sugar coat it: This time of year – particularly this first time – is going to be hard. Yet, you can take steps now to make the process less scary for you and your children. Here are some things to consider:

1. Sit Down and Make a Plan

Who will take the kids trick-or-treating? Who will have them on Thanksgiving? During Hanukkah? Christmas? These are decisions to make now, rather than wait until the last minute. If you can, sit down with your ex and detail out a plan. Many parents choose to split the holidays evenly, allowing the child to be with mom in the morning and dad in the afternoon. Others choose to split vacation days down the middle in order to avoid frequent hand-offs. Still others keep the same traditions and “tough it out” for their children. Consider your children and what is best for them in the long run.

During your discussion, lay some ground rules about how you will interact with each other and the children. Agree that you won’t badmouth the other parent, have a gift war or otherwise make the holidays more uncomfortable for your children.

Of course, this meet-and-plan approach won’t work for every couple, particularly if there is a power imbalance or you simply cannot agree. An attorney can step in to help you negotiate a schedule. Mediation can also be a useful tool for some couples.

2. Talk to Your Children

Your children will have plenty of emotions and questions. Opening up that dialogue is important. Reassure them that their holidays will continue, even if they may be different. Give them a chance to tell you what they’d like to do. Watch your children and try to anticipate what they are thinking. Give them the chance to talk and remind them frequently of how much their parents love them.

3. Create New Traditions

Life is changing, and so will some of your traditions. Many parents decide to create their own traditions to give their children new things to look forward to. Maybe you’ve never been to the local light show or community Halloween event. This is a great year to start! That said, now is not the time to replace all of the traditions your children have grown to love and expect. It is a mistake to assume that everything can and should be different. Instead, consider which traditions are most important to your children and what routines you can retain.

4. Take Care of Yourself

In the midst of the chaos, it’s important for you to think about yourself, too. You are likely going through many different emotions ranging from sadness and loneliness (after all, your traditions are changing, too) to guilt. The best advice that psychologists have to offer on this subject is to reach out to your support system and give yourself a break. Try to accept that things will not be perfect. If you can, find some “me” time to do something that you love, whether that’s a massage, going to a game or simply reading a book.

Remember: Many other people have been here before. You will get through this time and it will get easier. In the meantime, consider seeking the help of professionals (legal, psychological, etc.) to make the transition as smooth as possible.

The post Divorcing During the Holidays: A Scary Prospect? appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

If you are going through a divorce or child custody dispute, you have probably heard the phrase best interests of the child. Like you, courts consider your child’s safety, happiness and well-being to be the paramount factor in their child custody and parenting time decisions. Yet, the standard is nebulous. You and the other parent may have very different notions of what your child needs. Who wins?

What Does Best Interests Mean?

Judges have a long list of factors to consider when determining what is in a child’s best interests for child custody and parent-time schedules, including:

• The relationship between each parent and the child and how much bonding time is necessary to maintain that relationship
• The parents’ role in the child’s life, including their role in caretaking
• How likely each parent is to allow the child time with the other parent
• How the parents have conducted themselves, including whether they have exposed the child to harm
• The child’s physical and emotional needs
• How close the parents’ homes are to each other
• The parents’ ability to cooperate with each other
• A child’s wishes, if the court considers the child sufficiently mature (though this is rarely a determining factor)

Taking Control of the Decision: Working Together

If you and the other parent are able to work together to come up with a plan for legal custody (the right to make decisions about your child) and physical custody (where the child lives), there is a good chance that plan will be in your child’s best interests. You have a much better idea of what your child needs to thrive than a judge who has never met him or her.

These discussions take energy. They require you to put your own feelings aside and concentrate on what matters most: your child’s well-being. Now is not the time to fight for sole custody simply because you want more time with your child. Instead, put yourself into your child’s shoes and consider their needs when making decisions.

When a Court Decides: Proving Your Plan Is in Your Child’s Best Interests

Working together may be an impossible endeavor if you are going through a contentious divorce or if there is a power imbalance.

When a court must decide, it is in your best interests to determine what you believe should happen and provide evidence to support your wishes and concerns. Is there evidence of abuse or other danger to the child? The court needs to hear it. Who has been the primary caregiver? What is the child currently accustomed to? Where will you live? These are questions you will need to answer.

It is common for people to bring in witnesses, such as teachers and neighbors, to provide testimony. The court may also appoint a guardian ad litem to observe your child and provide a recommendation to the court, or have a therapist or social worker evaluate your child. During these evaluations, and throughout your case, it is vital that you do not do anything that could affect your custody rights. Do not badmouth the other parent, refuse to let him or her see the child (unless the child is at risk, in which case, you should involve the court), give any indication that child support plays into your desire to see your child more, or take any action that could be seen as morally damaging.

Finally, consider hiring an attorney experienced in child custody. An attorney can help you understand your options and defend your interests in court. Remember, in family law, you don’t necessarily get what’s fair. You get what you are able to negotiate or prove to the court. The court doesn’t know your family and will base their child custody decision on what it believes to be in the best interests of your child. You do not want that to be different from what you know to be in your child’s best interests. An attorney can help you tell your story.

The post It’s All in Your Child’s Best Interests, Right? appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

A “final” child custody order may be signed by a court in Utah but that does not mean it cannot be changed. The law recognizes that sometimes there is a need to change an existing child custody order, whether or not it is a “final” court order. A parent’s health could change. A parent could move out-of-state or a parent may develop a substance abuse problem that could require a change in custody. Just as life can cause changes in a family, so can life create the need to change a child custody order — fortunately, the law, in some circumstances, permits change.

Circumstances That Merit a Modification

First of all, if you and your former spouse agree to deviate from your existing child custody (and parent-time) order — even on a temporary basis — it is important that that agreement be in writing.  If the agreed deviation is of a significant and permanent nature, it is best to formally request that the court modify the existing order.

A modification to the existing order may not be achieved with your former spouse’s agreement; however, a modification may still be in the best interest of the child(ren) and that modification can be requested from the court.  A substance abuse problem is a common reason to modify a child custody order; however, other circumstances could also warrant a change.  So, what does a parent have to prove in order for a court to modify a child custody order? The law outlines this in Utah Code Section 30-3-10.4: 

1) A material and substantial change of circumstance has occurred; and

2) A modification of the terms and conditions of the order would be an improvement for and in the best interest of the child.”

While a person may represent himself or herself in court, a parent seeking to modify a child custody order is well-advised to retain the services of an experienced family law attorney.

The post Can You Modify Your Child Custody Order in Utah? appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

A child born to unmarried parents is not an uncommon situation. However, it can create certain legal issues such as paternity. When the parents of a child are married, there is a legal presumption of paternity. This is not the same for unmarried parents. Paternity must be established in Utah in this situation in order to create certain rights such as the right to child support. There are various scenarios for establishing paternity. In fact, there are three specific ways towards achieving this legal status in Utah.

The Three Routes Towards Paternity

Remember, just because there are three ways to establish paternity in Utah does not mean that each way is an option for you. It is best to discuss your options with a skilled family law attorney before taking any legal action.

1. VDP (“Voluntary Declaration of Paternity”): This is for when both parents agree to voluntarily sign a document acknowledging paternity. The document is filed with the Office of Vital Records and Statistics. The father’s name is placed on the birth certificate.
2. Administrative Paternity Order: If at least one parent files for child support, this will initiate a NAA (“Notice of Agency Action”) by the Office of Recovery Services. The parents can then respond to this notice to establish paternity. Again, the father’s name is then placed on the birth certificate.
3. Judicial Paternity Order: This is an order issued by the court usually when an order of custody and parent-time is sought in addition to an order establishing paternity. Either parent may request this type of order.

Questions that you have about paternity in addition to questions about custody, child support, parent-time and parenting plans can be answered by a knowledgeable family law attorney.