Thinking about divorce? Here are some interesting tidbits many people don’t know about Utah’s divorce laws.

1. You can point fingers, but you no longer need to.

In the past, Utah followed a system where you had to have a reason for your divorce. Usually, that reason put the blame squarely on one spouse’s shoulders, and that spouse received the short end of the stick during property division and other parts of the divorce. That is no longer the case. Today, divorcing spouses can claim irreconcilable differences as the grounds for their divorce, and most do.

Yet, what if you have a different reason for divorce? Utah law still lists out other statutory grounds for divorce, ranging from adultery and habitual drunkenness to mental/physical cruelty, neglect and incurable insanity. You can allege one of these grounds in the divorce filing, but you may have to prove it to the court.

2. Utah requires you to wait to get divorced.

There are two potential “waiting” periods. First, you or your spouse must have lived in your county in Utah for at least three months prior to filing for divorce in that county. If you have met that residency requirement, you can usually expect your divorce to take at least an additional three months. Under Utah’s family law, you typically must wait 90 days between filing your divorce petition and receiving a divorce decree. Spouses must show extraordinary circumstances to waive this 90-day waiting period.

3. If you have minor children, you’ll be going back to school.

Parents of minor children are required to attend two classes before they receive their divorce decree: a divorce education class and a divorce orientation class; however, they can both be completed during one three-hour block of time. In fact, you must attend the orientation course before the court will grant a motion you make for temporary orders.

4. If you and your spouse disagree about something in your divorce, get ready for mediation.

Utah courts require parties to attend at least one session of mediation if there are any contested issues in a divorce. You and your spouse will need to find and pay for a mediator to meet this requirement.

You can avoid this requirement if you and your spouse can come to an agreement on all of the issues of your divorce. You may also ask the court to waive mediation if you have good cause to do so. For example, courts often dismiss the mediation requirement if one party feels unsafe in the presence of the other party.

5. You may be able to convince a judge you are married (even though you never had that ceremony).

While Utah does not have common law marriage, you may be able to ask the court to declare your relationship a marriage in order to get a court-ordered divorce. You will need to show:

• You are both of legal age and capable of entering into a marriage
• You have acted as though you were married, including living together
• You present your relationship to the public in a way that makes them believe you are married
• You both consent to the marriage designation

The divorce process is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it has to be a nightmare. By working with an experienced lawyer, finding ways to minimize conflict and taking it one step at a time, you can set the stage for a better tomorrow.

The post Five Things You May Not Know About Utah’s Divorce Process appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

You aren’t the first person to dread telling your children about your upcoming divorce, and you certainly won’t be the last. Here are some tips that other parents have shared to make the conversation easier on everyone involved.

1. Consider Their Age 

What you tell your children, and how they will react to the news, should vary depending on their age.

Preschoolers need concrete and clear explanations about what the divorce will mean for them. Tell them where they will live, who will look after them and what their daily life will look like. With this age group, you can expect to have this conversation and answer the same questions more than once.

School-aged kids need more of an explanation than preschoolers. Your kids might blame themselves or feel like it’s their job to “fix” whatever they think is wrong with the marriage. Make sure they understand that your decision isn’t about them and not something they can influence. Give your children ample time to ask questions and express their emotions. Be prepared to answer the question, “why?” (but make sure you don’t blame the other parent). You may even consider purchasing books to help your children understand divorce better and connect with how they are feeling.

Older kids have a pretty good understanding of divorce, and may have friends with divorced parents. They may also be going through significant hormonal changes that, combined with the change in their family structure, may come out as anger or moodiness. Be patient with them. Older children need open and honest communication and time to digest the information.

2. Tell Your Children Together

Sit down with your spouse and make a plan about how you will tell the children together. Anticipate any questions and address concerns in advance. Plan to tell your children that the divorce isn’t their fault, that you love them and that your love for them won’t change.

Then, gather everyone together and have the initial discussion as a family. While you may think it’s best to tell the older brother first, imagine how he will feel having to keep the secret, or how your younger kids will feel when they learn they were the last to know. You can address each child’s individual needs in separate conversations (don’t worry, there will be ample time for that).

Why should both spouses be present? Your children need to know that you are still able to work together. If you make the announcement together, it becomes less about “who did what” and more about your children and their future. Be prepared to present a unified front during this conversation and, if possible, throughout your divorce.

3. Avoid Blaming Your Spouse

No matter what the cause of your divorce, your children do not need to play a part in the blame game. Don’t bad mouth your spouse now or in the future. It may make you feel better to show your kids you are the “good guy,” but it won’t help your children, your divorce or your future as a co-parent. In fact, many children who are thrown into the blame game end up resenting their parents for making them a part of it.

This Conversation Will Be Hard

Yet, with the right preparation and thought, you can make it easier on your children. Come prepared to present a unified front, answer your children’s questions honestly and avoid blame. Try to calm down as much as possible before the conversation – the more nervous you are, the more frightened your children will be. Remember, this is about your children and your love for them – nothing is more important than that.

The post The Big D: How to Break the News to Your Children appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

Your divorce was ugly, but it ended. You thought you had a court order in place that would prevent you from being treated poorly by your ex. You thought your nightmare was over. Now, you realize that your ex hasn’t changed.

Perhaps she has ignored your right of first refusal clause or he has refused to agree to an out-of-country vacation. Maybe you aren’t receiving the child support you are due or you have been denied access to your children. If the other party is ignoring your court order, it may be time to bring them back to court.

How to Enforce Your Family Court Order

The first step is to file a Motion for an Order to Show Cause along with a statement of how the other party has disobeyed your divorce decree or other family court order. While the document is fairly easy to fill out, how you fill it out can make a difference in your case. It is a good idea to speak with an attorney before you file your paperwork. You will need to serve the motion on your ex.

What happens next depends on where you live. In Utah County, for example, a court commissioner will review your motion and decide whether to hold a hearing. If you are asked to come into court, be sure to be there, dressed nicely, on the date and at the time you have been given. If it is an evidentiary hearing, you or your attorney will need to prepare to present all evidence in your favor.

The court will make a decision and may issue a judgment. Depending on the circumstances, this may be a judgment for past due child support, an order to make up parent-time or some other order that could include an award for attorney fees.

Protecting the Future

Bringing a Motion for an Order to Show Cause is one way to ensure that your ex complies with your order, but there may be other ways such as through mediation or a settlement between your attorneys. Consider whether bringing a motion is necessary, keeping in mind that court actions often add to the tension. If there are other means to settle your disagreement that could lead to a stronger/less contentious working relationship, then it’s important to consider them. An attorney can help you decide what is best for your unique situation.

The post Post-Divorce: Can’t We All Just Get Along? appeared first on The Law Office of Eric P. Paulson.

A “final” child custody order may be signed by a court in Utah but that does not mean it cannot be changed. The law recognizes that sometimes there is a need to change an existing child custody order, whether or not it is a “final” court order. A parent’s health could change. A parent could move out-of-state or a parent may develop a substance abuse problem that could require a change in custody. Just as life can cause changes in a family, so can life create the need to change a child custody order — fortunately, the law, in some circumstances, permits change.

Circumstances That Merit a Modification

First of all, if you and your former spouse agree to deviate from your existing child custody (and parent-time) order — even on a temporary basis — it is important that that agreement be in writing.  If the agreed deviation is of a significant and permanent nature, it is best to formally request that the court modify the existing order.

A modification to the existing order may not be achieved with your former spouse’s agreement; however, a modification may still be in the best interest of the child(ren) and that modification can be requested from the court.  A substance abuse problem is a common reason to modify a child custody order; however, other circumstances could also warrant a change.  So, what does a parent have to prove in order for a court to modify a child custody order? The law outlines this in Utah Code Section 30-3-10.4: 

1) A material and substantial change of circumstance has occurred; and

2) A modification of the terms and conditions of the order would be an improvement for and in the best interest of the child.”

While a person may represent himself or herself in court, a parent seeking to modify a child custody order is well-advised to retain the services of an experienced family law attorney.

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